


...and Again

by Peanutbutterer



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-27
Updated: 2011-05-27
Packaged: 2017-10-19 20:15:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/204783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peanutbutterer/pseuds/Peanutbutterer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They really wind up doing this a lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	...and Again

"It was a vegetable."

"It was a fruit."

"You're wrong. Duck."

Elizabeth ducked, narrowly avoiding the low-hanging branch. "What are the odds of that being the case?"

John would have glared at her if he were able to turn around.

"It had seeds on the inside," she continued, pausing to brace herself against a tree as she struggled to catch her breath.

He reluctantly stopped to wait for her, watching the animal scramble up the hill ahead of them. The _ridiculously steep_ hill ahead of them.

She groaned. "You have got to be kidding me."

John reached over and grabbed her hand, tugging her back into motion. "I find that the animals in the Pegasus galaxy rarely have a sense of humor."

She huffed a long sigh as she grudgingly kept pace. "Your standard Milky Way variety cows, on the other hand?"

"Oh, they love a good knock-knock joke." He vaulted a downed tree and paused to make sure Elizabeth was still behind him. "And seeds on the inside matters why?"

"Because that means it was a fruit."

"If that's true, then a tomato is a fruit."

"Exactly."

He scoffed. "I call bullshit."

As they started to make their way up the hill, John quickly realized their progress had slowed considerably. The soft dirt underneath him crumbled away every time he took a step, causing him to lose half the progress he had made. "I feel like I'm going the wrong way on an escalator. How the hell did that thing get up this so fast?"

Beside him, Elizabeth dropped to all fours and dug her hands in. He was about to tease her about her ridiculous methods when he noticed that she was actually overtaking him with her silly crab crawl.

John sighed and mimicked her effort. "Cucumber?"

"Fruit."

"Avacado?"

"You really want to play this game?"

"You and your Earth logic."

"And I suppose you have another way of telling which is which?” She stopped and looked back at him, wiping at the perspiration on her forehead but succeeding only in leaving a line of dirt across her face. “Fruits taste fruity, perhaps?"

He tried not to grin at how cute she looked when she was mocking him while covered in mud but he wasn’t sure he succeeded. "I was going to go with 'vegetables taste like ass,' but yours works too."

"Your eloquence continues to astound me," she wheezed, finally reaching the precipice. She pitched forward and rolled onto her back, breathing heavily.

"Yeah, because that's my main concern while in the middle of a chase." Like he could really come up with anything resembling eloquence when he was staring at her ass as she crawled up a mountain. Here he had been patting himself on the back for producing complete sentences.

"You'd think with all the times we wind up doing this that you would be better at it by now."

He stood up and gave a token effort to brush himself off. "Hey, at least this time we're not the ones being pursued." He offered her his hand.

She glared but accepted. "Small consolation when it still involves this much physical exertion."

"Well if you wouldn't pretend to be asleep every time I try and get you for a morning run..." he trailed off as he scouted the area. "Where did that damn thing go?"

"There." Elizabeth pointed to the right. In the distance, the small, four-legged thief was entering a wooded area. "And those aren't runs, those are torture sessions."

"Ha!" he exclaimed, starting toward the other side of the peak. "So you admit you fake sleep!"

She shot him an indecipherable look. "I admit nothing. I'm just saying that if I _were_ awake and able to join you, I wouldn't classify it as mere exercise."

"You need to build up your stamina."

"My stamina is fine, thank you."

"I've yet to see any evidence of that." Somehow the tone of his voice had turned flirty. Really, it had been totally beyond his control.

When he turned to look at her over his shoulder she arched a disarmingly perceptive eyebrow. "Nice try."

He feigned innocence. "What?"

"I am not sleeping with you."

She was obviously enjoying herself at his expense and he decided his only recourse was some good, old fashioned, macho posturing. "Again," he corrected.

He could almost feel the glare aimed at the back of his head.

"Again," she conceded.

John hid his smile as he paused to scan the possible routes. He carefully crept forward, scooting toward the edge of the plateau, but as soon as he shifted his weight the thin soil beneath him gave way, sending his feet flying. Flailing (in very manly fashion) to correct his balance, his arm caught Elizabeth’s hip. She let out a yelp and fell forward (with an equally respectable flail). He only just managed to break her fall by pulling her down on top of him as they both ended up slithering into a wild downhill slide. Elizabeth's fingers dug into his shoulders and he wrapped his arms around her waist, clinging for dear life as he bumped and banged off clumps of clay and exposed tree roots. They finally thumped to a stop against a huge evergreen at the bottom of the hill.

"Whoops." He wasn't sure if the glare she was wearing was the same one as before the fall or if this was a new one. "Faster than walking down, I suppose," he offered, trying valiantly to ignore how close her face was to his and how nicely she fit in his arms as he extracted his limbs from where they had intertwined with hers.

Elizabeth pulled herself up and shook off chunks of dirt. "You're doing my laundry."

"Hey, that’s unfair! It wasn't my fault!" Well, maybe it was his fault, but, "At least it wasn’t your ass we were riding!" He snapped his mouth shut. That didn't sound right either. "Whoops again?"

Her eyes narrowed. "For a week."

Before John could counter, she was off and running into the grove of trees. He took a deep breath and jogged after her.

"Are you saying you didn't enjoy it?" he asked when he'd caught up.

Elizabeth frowned at him.

"The sex," he prompted. Obviously, the sex. Hadn't they just been skirting around the fact that at one point in their history she had been naked and pressed between him and the wall of his quarters? And then against the shower door, leaving finger tracks in the steamed glass while he trailed wet kisses along her throat? That would explain the (detailed) visuals playing in his head, right?

She huffed, but he wasn’t sure if it was due to exhaustion or to annoyance at his persistence in pressing the fact that once upon a time _they had had sex_. "I'm saying it can't happen again."

"You are absolutely no fun," he groused.

She paused to look at him and her eyes flirted shamelessly. "I was tons of fun.” She turned her focus back to the outcrop of rocks she was attempting to scramble over. “Don't try to deny it."

She was; there was no possible way to deny it. Which is precisely why he wanted a repeat performance. Or twenty. "It's such a distant memory. I'm having trouble recalling."

"I highly doubt that."

No kidding. John swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to bring his focus back to the task at hand. The trees in the area had dwindled and they were entering a clearing.

"A river?" Elizabeth whined. "We have to cross a river?"

John frowned and studied what could only be classified as a small stream. Probably more like a large creek. "Well, your webbed toes will come in handy."

She spared him a glance. "I don't have webbed toes."

"Prove it."

"John Sheppard, that has to be the worst line I've ever heard."

He shrugged as he stepped up beside her. "I'm out of practice."

"Too used to women throwing themselves at you before you even have to open your mouth?"

"Occupational hazard. I'm told my tac vest is ridiculously sexy."

"I think they just meant ridiculous."

Well, this conversation wasn’t getting him anywhere fast. John sighed and resolved to banish all thoughts of naked Elizabeth Weir from his mind. "You know, if this job doesn't work out for you, you could always try your luck as a comedian. You've got a gift."

She set her jaw in a look of grim determination and leapt across the water, missing the opposite bank by a good three feet. She landed shin deep in what he had already demoted in his mind to a brook.

"Nice execution," he called after her.

"Bite me."

"Is that an offer?" And in less than ten seconds his mind was back in the gutter. He really couldn’t help himself.

“Depends.” The gleam in her eye was wicked as she stared at him across the water. It was as if she had known from the start that she had always held the upper hand. "Would you classify me as a fruit or a vegetable?"

He laughed out loud at that, and then braced himself and took his jump. He didn't make it much farther than she had; he could only hope that she hadn’t noticed.

“Nice jump, Tigger. Try giving it a little more spring next time."

So much for hoping. "Mock me if you will, but it’s your intelligence that is in question here. You can't make avocado cobbler," John argued.

"You could."

"But it would be disgusting." He caught sight of the canine-thing just visible rounding a bend ahead of them. “Over there!”

"A cantaloupe cobbler would be just as bad. Are you telling me you don't think cantaloupe is a fruit?"

"This has to be the dumbest conversation ever." Except the part where they were also flirting shamelessly, he amended in his head. Those were the types of conversations he would do anything to have with her.

"You started it."

"I'm sure I didn't." John skidded to a halt. There was no way. "Oh my god. Is that the damn village?"

Elizabeth pulled up beside him and buckled over at the waist, breathing in short bursts. "Stupid dog."

"It came home? The damn thing just wanted to go on a lap with the GDO?"

"I could have been sitting on a lounge chair with a fruity-vegetable colada instead of running a triathlon?"

"Well, technically it was just a marathon. I suppose you could consider the episode with the brook swimming, but -"

"You," she cut him off. "No speaking."

"What? Why?"

"Because I am blaming you for this entire ordeal."

John threw up his hands. "It was your GDO!"

"You’re the one who dropped it in alien bacon!"

"By accident!"

Both he and Elizabeth were grumbling as they entered the village, the object of their pursuit happily wagging his tails at the feet of his master, their prized GDO clenched firmly in his teeth.

"Took you guys long enough," Rodney whined as they approached. "We're going to miss movie night.”

Elizabeth graciously retrieved the GDO from their host and said their goodbyes.

"Interplanetary peace still intact?" John asked when she returned. At her confirming nod he added, "Did he tell you if it was a fruit or a vegetable?"

She rolled her eyes. "Can you believe I forgot to ask?"

Rodney snorted. "Well, that's a stupid question. "A fruit _is_ a vegetable."

John groaned. “Don’t you even start.”

As if seeing them for the first time, Rodney pulled up short and frowned. "Hey, wait a minute. Why do you guys look like you've been mud wrestling?" He eyed them warily. "Did you have sex again?"

Elizabeth made a strangled noise and started toward the gate.

John put up a token, "I’m sure I don’t know what you're talking about, McKay,” before jogging to catch up with her. “Hey Elizabeth," he called. "What time shall I swing by to pick up your clothes?”

Rodney sputtered, "Oh my god, you _did_! You did? Did you?!"

John smiled as he followed her through the event horizon. “And you said every night this week, right?”


End file.
